My dearest Bayyo,
Every word
I owe you
Bayyo (Maryama), you asked me to answer you honestly — to take my time, and to stop making you doubt yourself. I also want you to see yourself here the way I see you: beautiful, graceful, creative, and worth showing up for.
01
Do you still genuinely want me and this relationship?
Yes, I genuinely want you and this relationship. I do not want to keep giving you words that sound beautiful for a moment and disappear afterward. I want to choose you with consistency, patience and the kind of effort you can actually feel.
02
Do you still see a future with me, honestly?
Honestly, yes. I still see a future with you, but I understand that a future is not proved by saying it. It is built through the small decisions we make when no one is watching, and I want to start building ours properly.
03
Do you think you are emotionally present in this relationship ever since the relationship started?
No, I have not been emotionally present in the way you deserved. I have been here physically while leaving you to experience too much alone. I take responsibility for that, and I know an apology only matters if my presence changes.
04
Am I forcing things between us, or am I forcing myself on you?
No, you are not forcing yourself on me. You have been trying to keep alive a relationship I have not always helped carry. I am sorry that my lack of effort made you question whether your love was welcome.
05
Do you even realise how lonely you have made me feel while still being in a relationship with you?
I realise it now, and I am deeply sorry. Being lonely beside the person you love is a pain I should never have allowed you to carry. You deserved companionship, tenderness and a partner who noticed when you were hurting.
06
Do you understand how many times I have had to hurt quietly just to keep understanding you?
I understand that you have swallowed your hurt to make room for mine far too many times. You should not have had to keep being understanding while your own heart was going unheard. I will not ask you to suffer quietly for my comfort anymore.
07
What exactly have you been doing to make me feel loved apart from telling me that you love me?
Not enough. I have relied on the words instead of giving them proof. Loving you must look like checking in, remembering what matters to you, making time, listening fully and showing up before you have to ask.
08
Your actions are saying one thing and your words another, which one am I supposed to believe?
Believe what my actions have shown you until my actions consistently say something better. You were not wrong to be confused. I want to earn your trust through repeated, honest behaviour rather than asking you to ignore what you feel.
09
When you look at how you have treated me, do you genuinely feel you have treated me the way someone you love deserves to be treated?
No, I have not treated you the way someone I love deserves to be treated. I have fallen short in ways that hurt you, and I will not soften that truth to make myself feel better. You deserved more care, communication and effort from me.
10
And most importantly, if I stopped making all the effort tomorrow, would there even be a relationship left to maintain?
If I am honest, not enough of one. You have been carrying too much of us, and that is not sustainable or fair. I do not want to promise a sudden transformation; I want to take responsibility and prove, day by day, that you are no longer carrying this relationship alone.
